4 Kale Recipes And They All Taste Like Shit
Summer is here and so is bikini/tankini/burkini/tarpini season. Put down that delicious, juicy, amazing cheeseburger that came with perfectly cooked fries, that My God, taste just like McDonald’s, and feast on these shitty kale recipes instead.
- Raw!
Eating kale raw has so many benefits for your digestive system, but none for your taste buds. Raw Kale taste like an earthy asshole with some crunch to it. Maybe raw’s not the route you should take.
2. Roasted
Drizzle some coconut oil on the kale. No — more than that. More than that. Keep going. I mean soak the ever-living shit out of those kale leaves in coconut oil and bake for 20 min at 350. Take out of the oven, let it cool, and then throw it out because now it tastes like earthy asshole slathered in baked goods.
3. Apple Cider Vinegar
Add some apple cider vinegar to take out the bitterness and then dry heave until you bring up some bile because now it’s grosser than ever if that’s even possible by tasting like apple cider vinegar, which also has health benefits, I guess.
4. Smoothie!
Dip into your wallet, and take your sorry ass to one of those overpriced juice bars and get it loaded with mango, pineapple, and any other sugary fruit you can think of to take the edge off of that shitty kale and then pat yourself on the back — you had some kale! Great job, you’re healthier already.
