Maternity Pants Are The Answer To My Late Night Cookie Binges
Every night, when my feelings would become too much to bear, I would eat them, usually in the form of a Chips Ahoy cookie, or an Entenmann’s Original Recipe, or when I really felt I deserved love – a Tates.
Every night, when my feelings would become too much to bear, I would eat them, usually in the form of a chocolate chip cookie. For only chocolate chip cookies can provide the comfort and love that’s been missing since childhood. Or was it ever there to begin with? No matter.
At first, I would bake them myself. From scratch was my preferred method. But as Tom Petty said, “The Waiting Is The Hardest Part”. So I turned to pre-made logs. But spooning them on to a greased cookie sheet was a job I was not getting paid for. I then discovered the tenderness of Entenmann’s Original Recipe Chocolate Chip Cookies. I must confess there were nights I depended on Chips Ahoy, or when I really felt I deserved love, a Tates.
Something strange started happening with my clothes during this expedition of heavenly processed baked goods.
My pants screamed once they met my thighs, unable to continue the journey up to my waist. Once they arrived at their destination, IF they arrived, they dared not close.
It seemed my penchant for savory delectables started showing their effects in my mid-section, just as my mothers did before me and her mother’s before her.
I realized I needed to take control of my health.
I did what any person would do that’s fed up with their binge-eating and penchant for sweets to fill the aching abyss that refuses to stare back — I walked right past the gym, sauntered across the health food store and marched directly into a local thrift shop to buy maternity pants.
I realized I didn’t need to be free of Sugar, Milk Chocolate Chips (Sugar, Chocolate Liquor, Cocoa Butter, Nonfat Milk Powder, Butter Oil, Soy Lecithin, Vanillin), Bleached Wheat Flour, Wheat Flour, Vegetable Shortening (Palm Oil), Water, Invert Sugar, Wheat Starch, Eggs, Soybean Oil, Whey, Modified Cornstarch, Salt, Baking Soda,— I needed to be free of the enslavement of zippers. The zippers and unforgiving waistbands of traditional jeans shan’t oppress me any further.
Oh! The freedom! The sweet freedom!
